WhatsApp messages in a divorce or custody case
The handover times, the money and the school run are all in the chat with your ex. When a lawyer or a mediator asks what was agreed, you shouldn't have to scroll back through years of it.
What's usually worth finding in the chat
Handovers and time with the children
Times you agreed, pick-ups that changed at the last minute, days that were missed and holidays you arranged. Patterns matter more here than one bad message, so keep the whole run of them.
Money
Maintenance, school fees, who paid for what, and any promise to pay or repay. Keep your bank statements with the chat so the messages and the payments can be read together.
The children's day-to-day
School, doctors, activities and how decisions got made. These messages can show who was involved and who was told.
The home and belongings
Who moved out and when, who keeps what, who pays the mortgage or rent while it's being settled.
Threats and pressure
Messages that frighten you or try to control you. Keep them, and don't reply in kind. If you're in danger, speak to the police or a local support service first. A record can wait.
What you agreed between you
Informal arrangements often live in a chat for months before anyone writes them down. A lawyer or mediator can use them as a starting point, so make sure they can be found.
Your own messages will be read too
A record shows the whole conversation, so a reader sees how you wrote as well as how they did. That works for you when you've stayed calm and stuck to the children and the arrangements.
From now on, write every message as if a judge were going to read it. Reply to the practical part and leave the rest. If you have to answer something hurtful, wait until the morning. Keep the children out of any argument in the chat.
Steps to take now
- Don't delete anything, including messages you regret.
- Check whether disappearing messages are on. In a chat with one person, either of you can turn them on, and new messages then disappear after the time you set.
- Export the chat with media and keep the file somewhere your ex can't reach. Think about shared accounts, shared computers and family cloud storage.
- Change your phone and cloud passwords if your ex might know them.
- Export family or co-parenting groups separately. Each one makes its own file.
- Ask your lawyer what they want from it, and whether they want it now.
What a record gives your lawyer
Lawyers usually charge for their time, so anything that saves them from reading screenshots out of order is worth doing. A record gives them the whole chat in order and a number on every message, so a statement can say "see messages 412 to 418". Voice notes are written out, so they don't have to listen to hours of them. Photos are where they were sent.
We can't say whether a particular court will accept it. It's a readable copy of your export and it says so. Keep the chat on your phone as well, because someone may ask to see the original. This is practical guidance and it isn't legal advice.
Common questions
Will my ex know I exported our chat?
WhatsApp doesn't tell anyone when a chat is exported, and we never contact anyone in it. If you later give the record to a lawyer or a court, the other side may well see it, so assume it will be read by them.
Can I export messages from my ex's phone or my child's phone?
Don't use someone else's phone or account without permission. It can be illegal, and it can damage your case. If you think messages on another device matter, tell your lawyer and ask how to obtain them properly.
Our chat goes back years. Can I export all of it?
A very long chat can go past what one export holds. With media, the export usually stops at about 10,000 messages, counted back from the most recent. The record shows the dates it really covers, and you can export without media to reach further back.
Should I take out the messages that make me look bad?
You can't remove messages from a record, and doing it any other way would be a mistake. If the other side holds the same chat, they can show what's missing, and that does more harm than the messages would. Tell your lawyer about them early.
You can read it first, privately
Your export opens on your device and nothing is uploaded unless you order. Nobody in the chat is told, and we never contact them.